


Change the Way a Heart Breaks

by Nevcolleil



Category: Macgyver (2016) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Jack Became Director After Patty, Assumed Break Up Sex, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 04:49:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14866910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevcolleil/pseuds/Nevcolleil
Summary: Instead of Mathilda Weber coming in, Jack *did* get promoted after Thornton was found out. *He* was the one who couldn't tell Mac about his father, no matter how much he wanted to.Then Mac finds out.





	Change the Way a Heart Breaks

**Author's Note:**

> Trust me. This is angsty about 85% of the way... But I'm (almost) always good for a happy ending.

When Mac storms into Jack’s office and kicks the door shut behind him, Jack can only assume that Mac’s finally found the time to process everything that’s happened...

He’s found the time to process everything that’s happened, and he’s pissed. 

Pissed at his dad, obviously, for lying to him all this time. Pissed at Jack for not coming to him as soon as Jack found out and telling Mac everything.

Pissed at Jack for continuing this thing that’s between them (that _was_ between them, before Mac found that file of Jack’s) even while keeping something so important from Mac.

Jack doesn’t do anything to shield himself - emotionally or physically.

If Mac’s about to round Jack’s desk and deck him, Jack’s just gonna let him. He even keeps his arms at his sides and stands to make the angle on Mac’s wrist easier when he does it. 

If Mac’s gonna tell Jack that it’s over - that they’re done - right after, well...

Well, Jack knew this was coming. Knows that he deserves it. Even if he was the one to plant all those clues that lead Mac to the file... Mac still might not know Jack did that, and even if he does, what difference does it make, in the long run? A bunch of cryptic clue-dropping isn’t the same as one honest conversation, which is all Mac had really needed to end all the torment he’s gone through over the past year, searching for his dad and coming up on a dead end with each and every lead.

Jack doesn’t lie to himself and say that it should matter that he signed away his right to have that conversation with Mac the day he signed on as director of the Phoenix Foundation. That James could have fired him - made it impossible for him to keep watching Mac’s back, even in the limited capacity that he has to do that now, as a constant voice in Mac’s ear out in the field, where Riley’s taken Jack’s place as Mac’s immediate cover.

Hell, James could have had Jack _arrested_. Locked away where he couldn’t help Mac if James tried playing puppetmaster with Mac in some kind of way. And who knows who James would have put in charge of the Phoenix Foundation then - who would be giving Mac his orders now, providing his intel; monitoring surveillance while he’s out in the field. Calling the shots that could _literally_ get Mac or Riley or both of them shot - or worse - if something goes wrong.

Jack knows that none of his perfectly good reasons can change the way a heart breaks.

They couldn’t have stopped Mac’s heart from breaking the day he finally found that file, then found his father, and - finally - after a day of radio silence, quietly slipped into Jack’s place. 

Jack got the alert the moment the file was breached. He didn’t bother going to Mac’s place after work, where he’d been more or less living for months, sleeping there with Mac every night. He’d told Riley and Bozer not to call or come to see him - that they could rage at him later about anything they might have heard.

He sat on his couch and waited, and sometime after midnight, Mac finally appeared.

He sat down next to Jack but a thousand miles away, and simply said, “You’ve known this whole time.”

He wasn’t asking, but in the moonlight Jack could see that he was waiting for an answer.

Waiting and _terrified_. Terrified that Jack was about to confirm his worst fears. That all this time, the one person Mac had most depended on to be honest with him, to protect him, and to _love_ him... The one person Jack had _told_ Mac he could depend on the most - had been lying to him about one of the most emotional and on-going traumas of Mac’s life: the loss of his dad.

He’d folded his hands in his lap, and Jack could see that they were shaking.

“Yes,” was the only answer Jack knew mattered.

He saw what that did to Mac in the look that crossed Mac’s face. Mac’s eyes closed, for just a moment, and even in the near-darkness Jack wasn’t spared the sight of seeing a tear roll down Mac’s cheek.

“Angus-”

Mac came off that couch like a shot, headed straight back towards the door.

“Mac, please-” Jack could barely strangle out past his lips. 

He knew that the end that’s coming today was coming even then, but then he hadn’t had enough time to steel himself for it. He hadn’t had time to realize that he owed Mac the chance to do this easily. He was willing to beg Mac not to leave him. No matter how much harder that would make it on Mac to do what he has to do, and Jack’s made things plenty hard on Mac already.

At the time, Jack felt devastated but hopeful when Mac neither stayed to let Jack explain himself nor ended things with him right then and there.

“I- I need time... I need time to process this,” Mac stuttered. “I need.” Mac didn’t even seem to know.

“Whatever you need, baby,” Jack promised him. “A-anything. You just let me know... I’ll do _anything_ I can-”

Then Mac walked out.

Jack’s no longer hopeful, but he’s had days now. Three long, excrutiating days to think. Mac’s been incommunicado for four (James, the creepy old bastard, called it “personal time” in the e-mail he sent Jack, like they were discussing just any employee, saying that Mac had told him he wasn’t sure when he’d be back.) It’s been a thankfully quiet four days at the Phoenix, but Jack did spend one of those four days getting screamed at by Riley, who knew that Mac had essentially kicked him out but not why. He told her, and she went abruptly quiet. She hasn’t spoken to him about it - about Mac - since.

Jack’s had time to put his sense of devastation into perspective.

Mac’s still around. He hasn’t fled the country, or gone off the grid. (Bozer keeps Jack updated with vague, but graciously non-accusatory, texts.) 

Jack broke Mac’s heart. There’s nothing he can do about that now. If Mac so much as does him the kindness of coming back around to break Jack’s in person, Jack decided on Day Two, then he knows that he can live with it. 

Because he’ll know that he hasn’t broken _Mac_. That however hurt Mac might be, he’s passed through it well enough for that big brain of his to work out how it’s not his fault he got hurt - not at all. 

If Mac’s angry, he’s worked out that it’s his right to _be_ angry.

When Mac’s dad left, Jack knows, it haunted Mac for ages - the thought that it was something he did, something he didn’t do, that made James leave. If Mac came out of all this somehow under the impression that he could have done something differently... said something differently... to keep Jack from lying to him-

If he just never came back and gave Jack the piece of his mind Jack’s earned - just slunk away, like he’s too ashamed of _himself_ to shame Jack for what Jack’s done...

Oh, that would kill Jack. Full out. No question... Jack can hardly bear the thought of it.

So he can hardly consider himself ‘devastated’ now that he’s getting his wish.

He forces himself to look Mac in the face and see the anger, the betrayal, and the disappointment that must be plain as day on his ex-lover’s face.

Only.

Mac _does_ round Jack’s desk. And he does reach out to Jack - but not with a fist.

And there’s an urgent look on Mac’s face, but nothing like the one Jack had thought he’d see there. If anything he looks a little close to begging himself, although what he could possibly think _he_ has to so much as ask _Jack_ for is a mystery. ( _Everything_ Jack is or has is Mac’s for the taking. If Mac could still find it in himself to want any of it-)

“Mac, what are you-”

Mac grabs Jack by the face and kisses him.

No. _Kiss_ doesn’t even begin to cover it.

He presses his lips to Jack’s like there’s some invisible forcefield between the two of them, and he’s trying to pierce it with just the heat of their mouths merging, licking into Jack’s mouth like he’s forgotten the taste - and remembering is a life or death situation.

Jack has no idea what the hell is going on.

But he’ll be damned if he’ll question it.

Probably the most pathetic sound a grown man can make works its way up Jack’s throat, but he ignores it and kisses Mac back, and Mac kindly ignores it as well.

Jack’s hands settle on Mac’s hips, and when Mac _presses his body up against Jack’s_ , like he’s cool with that and so much more, Jack maybe gets a little carried away.

Jack lifts Mac like he’s not a grown damned man himself, tall and made of lean, wiry muscle (which Jack’s back will not thank him for later - it’s been about a year since Jack’s gotten to toss somebody around; agency directors rarely get to do that sort of thing) and carries him the two steps to Jack’s desk to deposit Mac on top of it.

Whatever this is - whatever Mac is doing this for (A sign of forgiveness? Jack doesn’t dare hope. One last romp for old time’s sake? The thought stabs Jack in the heart, but it’s not like he’s gonna turn such a thing down, coming from Mac. Jack will be grateful for it, and cope with the emotional blowback to himself later...) Mac seems to appreciate Jack’s antics quite a bit. He moans and keeps kissing Jack with a force like beard burn doesn’t exist.

Mac’s hands are a part of the action too. Running fingers through Jack’s hair, blunt fingernails scratching lightly across Jack’s scalp, the way he knows Jack likes... smoothing over Jack’s shoulders and back through the cotton of Jack’s dress shirt, pulling his tie loose.

Jack pulls Mac’s shirt free of his corduroys, burying one hand in Mac’s hair and tugging at it the way _Mac_ likes, hard enough to tip Mac’s head back so Jack can break their kiss and nip and lick at Mac’s neck.

“Yes,” Mac gasps, “yes, Jack...”

Jack slips his other hand up underneath Mac’s shirt, just to slide up and down the firm planes of his torso - just to _feel_ him - soft, warm skin Jack’s mapped with his touch a thousand times...

Jack can feel the shakes fluttering in his stomach start to spread to his hands (hopefully) before Mac notices, so he pulls back and grabs Mac by the thighs instead, spreading Mac’s legs to he can step more comfortably between them. 

Mac takes the opportunity to start unbuttoning Jack’s shirt and pressing hot, sucking kisses to the hollow of Jack’s throat, the underside of his chin.

“Yeah, baby...” Jack groans. “Come on, Angus... Shift a little- _Yeah_. Just like that...”

Mac shifts his hips forward enough to align his and Jack’s hips just right, so that when Jack rocks his body into Mac’s they rub against one another with just the perfect kind of friction.

A short breath punches out of Mac on his next moan, warming the patch of skin Mac’s just wet with a kiss, and Jack can’t help but _grind_ against Mac next.

They’re both _so_ hard. If Jack doesn’t do something to slow this down, they’re both going to be finished exceptionally fast.

But then, maybe that’s what Mac had in mind when he started this?

Jack swallows down that unpleasant thought and simply asks, “What do you want, Mac?” with one hand on the button of Mac’s pants, nipping lightly at Mac’s lips.

 _If_ this is the last time he’s gonna get to touch Mac like this, he wants a lot more than just for them to rub off on one another in their pants - nevermind that they’re _in his office at the Phoenix_. When Jack made June his part-time assistant, he told her his biggest rule was making sure nobody ever comes into his office without being buzzed ahead - Mac excepted.

Ironically, Jack made the rule thinking of all the office sex he planned on talking Mac into having with him. That was before he found out who his boss is and realized that they could never take that chance. 

Jack could care less about that now. Mac knows the truth, and he’s unlikely to want to work with Jack again, so James can fire Jack if he pleases. If he’s secretly bugging Jack’s office (Jack’s never found anything, but he hasn’t done a sweep this week, and he’s never certain until he does) and gets an eyeful, that’s James’s own damned problem.

Luckily, Mac seems to be of the same mind. He moans again when Jack punctuates his question by slipping that button loose, like just thinking about what more they can do drives him as crazy as it does Jack. He finishes unbuttoning Jack’s shirt, kissing Jack enthusiastically all the while, and then he pushes at Jack’s shoulder.

“I want to suck you,” he says clearly, before Jack can misinterpret his movements as an attempt to stop what they’re doing.

Jack’s still uncertain he heard correctly.

“You-”

“In- In your chair,” Mac adds, like that makes the request make any more sense to Jack’s need-addled brain. “Jack... back up,” he says around a few more kisses, and mindlessly, Jack does.

Mac stands and presses kisses across Jack’s chest that make the shakes come back, walking forward so that Jack’s forced to walk backward until the backs of his legs hit his desk chair and he drops gracelessly into it.

Graceless Mac is anything but as he smoothly kneels between Jack’s knees, although Jack’s stomach would still probably flip at the sight - at Mac’s light touch as he runs his hands up Jack’s thighs - if Mac had belly-flopped at his feet.

Mac immediately unbuckles Jack’s belt.

Jack forgets that this _isn’t_ one of his office-sex fantasies that he and Mac have somehow managed to orchestrate in real life and grins.

“Holy shit, babe, this is just as hot as I thought it would be,” he says and wags his eyebrows.

Mac doesn’t remind him. He rolls his eyes the same as he has any time Jack’s stopped in the middle of sex to kind of geek out about how fun it is with him - even as he turns a bashful pink - before averting his gaze to Jack’s belt and grinning up at Jack from under his lashes like he always does, to make sure Jack knows the eye-roll is Mac being fond, not critical.

“I know, right?” he agrees, already having unbuttoned and unzipped Jack’s pants. 

In one smooth motion, he pulls Jack’s cock out and sinks down onto it, taking Jack as deep into his mouth and then his throat as he can without working up to it.

“ _H-holy shit_...” Jack finds himself cursing again, in a completely different way, at the tight wet heat that surrounds him.

It’s after Mac’s already developed a rhythm that Jack remembers.

He’s slipped a hand into Mac’s hair, and Mac moans the same as he has any time Jack’s played with his hair during a blowjob. 

There’s something different about the sound this time, though. Something softer. And that’s when Jack zones back in enough to realize that it’s Mac’s hands on Jack’s thighs that are shaking the way they are, not Jack’s thighs themselves.

“Baby?” Jack asks softly, petting Mac’s hair instead of pulling it, and Mac honest to god shudders all over. “Hey... Angus...”

Mac releases him with a pop, and then Jack’s the one shuddering, at the sudden lack of warmth around his cock, the abrupt loss of such incredible sensation.

Not that Jack has long to miss it before Mac is looking up at him, pupils blown, and lips swollen, saying, “Now I want you to fuck me.”

Jack’s imagined doing just that in this room in a dozen different ways. Mac riding him while he sits here in this chair... Him pressing Mac’s back against one of the massive glass walls of this room, its blackout tinting protecting their privacy from everyone on the other side. Mac pressing _him_ down into the plush leather cushions of the couch on the other side of the room...

Mac makes it clear which way he’s imagining doing this when he stands and turns towards Jack’s desk, stripping out of his shirt before dropping his pants and shorts and spreading his legs as much as he can without stripping completely.

Jack’s heart about lifts him out of his chair, it pounds so violently.

“Yeah... Yeah, we can do that.”

At least he hopes they can. He presses up against Mac, Mac’s back to his front, and reaches around to stroke Mac gently as he considers what he might have in the office that could work as an adequate substitute for lube, dropping light kisses along the line of Mac’s shoulders.

“ _Jack_... J-Jack, oh god...” Mac moans in his arms, dropping his head forward so that Jack can move his lips up to the nape of Mac’s neck, where Mac’s particularly sensitive to gentle and not so gentle bites and kisses. He doesn’t thrust into, or pull away from, Jack’s steady grip - just takes what Jack gives him.

Jack’s seriously considering whether or not Julie would ever forgive him if he buzzed her and asked her to leave some lotion by his door when he moves the hand not wrapped around Mac’s cock to between them, seeking out the cleft of Mac’s cute little ass. 

He rubs a fingertip over Mac’s hole, idly - not trying to really start anything before they have the supplies to be ready, just to tease.

And he finds Mac nice and slick. He can slip his finger in all the way to the second knuckle with just the right amount of give that he can be certain Mac _feels_ it, but that Jack isn’t actually hurting him.

Mac moans loud enough that Jack thinks to be grateful that his office is soundproofed, even as distracted as he is. He doesn’t comment on the fact that Mac must have left his house and come straight here, to be this wet and ready. Must have opened himself up in preparation, planning this. 

“You want it over the desk, huh?” Jack asks instead, unnecessarily. Mac’s already half bent over it already.

Jack slides his finger out... and pushes it _all the way_ back in - just because he can. Because he can see the shift of muscle in Mac’s back that says how much he enjoys it.

As if Jack needed the visual with the way Mac stutters, “ _F-fuck_ , Jack...”

“You thought about doing this before?” Jack asks. He wants to push Mac down now and finger him, wide and slow - until Mac _screams_ \- but Jack knows there’s no way he could pull off that kind of discipline.

He’s already fumbling his own pants and shorts down with his free hand as he pulls out of Mac with the other.

Mac is stretching out over Jack’s desk without being asked or positioned. He looks back over his shoulder at Jack - not even smirking. Just matter-of-fact.

“Haven’t you?” he says.

“Every damned day,” Jack admits, which is pretty close to the truth. There’s rarely been a day he’s sat at this desk when he hasn’t imagined what Mac would look like just as he is now. What it would feel like to make love to him here - how it would _sound_.

Jack runs one hand over the curve of Mac’s ass and down his thigh.

Jack’s imagination had nothing on this. He swallows, but it doesn’t much shake the fist it feels like’s lodged in the center of Jack’s throat.

“Jesus, Jack, come on...” Mac all but pants.

Jack doesn’t make him ask twice. He holds himself steady until he’s pushed just inside, and then he takes hold of Mac’s ass, gently separating his cheeks and holding him open so that Jack can watch his own cock slowly slide further and further inside until Mac’s taken all of him.

“Jack... Jack,” Jack hears Mac say mostly, when he isn’t moaning, over Jack’s own groans and praises.

“Fuck, that’s good, Angus... Oh, yeah... You like that, baby? You feel so frickin’ good...”

“Yes... Yes, Jack, please...” Mac answers back eventually. “Please-”

“You want more?” Jack slides his hands up to Mac’s waist and pulls him sharply backwards, towards Jack, at the same time that Jack makes his next thrust forward - sharper this time. 

Their bodies smack together hard enough that Mac lifts up on his toes, and the friction of it is so incredible, Mac cries out and lets go of his death-grip on the other edge of Jack’s desk, then has to scrabble to get ahold of it again, with shaky hands gone weak with pleasure.

Jack’s knees want to buckle.

Well, too damned bad for his knees, because _Jack_ wants for this to last for as long as he can possibly make it.

“You want this, sweetie?” Jack asks, bending over Mac’s back enough that he can keep a hold on him but also spare one hand to wrap it back around Mac’s cock. 

“Jack...” Mac just moans and writhes, “baby...”

Jack gives him one long, tight stroke... and then stops.

“ _Jack!_ Please...” Mac about loses his mind. “Please don’t stop... baby, please don’t stop...“

“Just let me hear you,” Jack holds strong long enough to demand. To plead. “I just wanna hear you, Mac. I wanna hear how much you want it... Let me hear you, honey, please-”

“ _Yes_ ,” Mac breaks and nearly shouts against Jack’s desktop. “J-Jack, I w-want it... I want you, please- I want you so bad. I-” 

Jack gives him exactly what they both want. A steady, unstalling rhythm of sharp thrusts into Mac, quick smooth slides back out, his hands gripping Mac tightly and purposefully, working Mac’s cock determinedly the whole time.

They’re _both_ really testing the integrity on the soundproofing on this office by now, but when Jack finds just the right angle to hit Mac’s prostrate dead center on his next thrust in, Mac cries out his loudest cry yet, and Jack knows he’s going to come at any second.

He buries his face in the smooth, sweat-slick skin of Mac’s back and pants. Not able to hold back the words any longer. 

“Fuck, I love you... I love you so damned much, Mac. Mac...”

Mac cries out again, almost at the same exact second as Jack, and comes over Jack’s hand as they both shudder through their orgasms.

It’s almost cruel, Jack thinks - when he thinks about it - how different this _doesn’t_ feel from every other time he’s made love to this man. Jack pulls out carefully afterwards, and Mac jolts like he’s trying to grab Jack to stop him from going too far.

Jack’s just shrugging off his dress shirt, balling it up and using it to wipe the two of them down at least enough so that they don’t entirely ruin that couch of his when he pulls Mac up off the desk and the two of them stumble over to it, pulling up their pants on the way.

When he thinks about it, Jack wonders if he should be surprised that Mac goes along with all of it. That he seems to want the cuddling Jack wants as much as he’d wanted the sex - or should Jack feel encouraged?

Maybe he’s gotten it all wrong. Maybe Mac _has_ forgiven him.

They’re cuddling in kind of the same position as they’d fucked - with Mac’s back to Jack’ front. Jack’s got his arms wrapped around Mac, but Mac’s not just lying there letting him. He’s got his arms wrapped around Jack’s - his legs tangled up with Jack’s.

Jack presses a kiss to the back of Mac’s head and braves a comment.

“So, you’ve been fantasizing about us having sex in this office for a while now too, huh?” he says.

“Yeah...” Mac admits - sounding breathless in a way that really strokes Jack’s battered ego.

Then Mac tenses up a little. Just enough that Jack feels it because he’s paying such close attention.

“Jack, I wasn’t- I didn’t... I didn’t come here assuming that I could, you know. Just waltz in here like everything’s okay and you’d be okay,” Mac says, as Jack tries to piece together what he’s getting at. “That you’d be okay with _this_ ,” Mac says, obviously referring to their half-nakedness, the sticky proof on their skin (and on Jack’s desk, probably) of what they just got up to.

He’s referring to the coming to see Jack prepped and lubed, after days of not even talking to him, Jack guesses. And his ‘kiss first, talk later’ approach - which, Jack’s not gonna lie if Mac presses the subject, was really fucking hot... even _with_ everything else they’ve got going on right now.

If Jack had given Mac even one single sign that he wasn’t _completely_ on board with any of it, Jack knows, Mac would have sat his ass down on this couch instead of offering it to Jack. And they would have talked about where both their heads are at first. 

It’s probably what they should have done - but neither of them have ever been really great at doing what they ‘should’, at least by other people’s standards.

“I was just hoping...” Mac says quietly. And however he’s planning on finishing that sentence - if he figures out how to finish it - Jack knows how he feels about what actually happened.

“I’m glad you did,” Jack says. Whatever happens next... Jack could never regret an opportunity to be with Mac. 

Or. Okay, that’s probably easy to think when Jack thinks maybe he was wrong about things being over between them.

It’s not as easy when Mac says, awkwardly casual - almost like he’s trying to make a joke about it - “And, I mean. I knew we’d never get another chance to do it, so-"

That’s. That’s... really not something Jack could have steeled himself for, Jack realizes. No matter what he’d told himself earlier.

He doesn’t move a muscle. Monitors his own breathing _very_ closely... 

He knew this was coming, Jack reminds himself. Whether he could have truly prepared himself for the pain of it or not, he _can_ do what he’d vowed and not make it any harder on either of them than it already is.

Jack’s got to close his eyes and bury his face in Mac’s hair for a moment, just to get through the thought without making any noise, but-

But something must give him away, because Mac tenses up even more than he had before.

“I mean. Here in the office,” Mac says stiltedly. Like he’s not sure what Jack’s stillness and silence mean, only that it can’t mean anything good, and he’s not sure whether Jack is going to agree with him on what he’s saying. “Since I’m not going to be around the Phoenix Foundation anymore... and I doubt Dad would let me just stop by here for-”

When Jack still doesn’t move, doesn’t speak (now because he just... _can’t_ , not that Mac can tell that, apparently) Mac starts to sound breathless again. Again because of Jack, but this time not in the good, ego-stroking way. 

In the way that tells Jack he’s missed something here. Something relatively big.

“I- I’m not... assuming you still want- Anything more than that either...” Mac says. He‘s starting to shake like he had on his knees for Jack before. “I mean, I know I shouldn’t. I just. Like I said, I was- I was hoping-”

“What?” Jack can only open his eyes and croak.

Mac turns in his arms - hesitantly, like he’s not sure he’s going to like what he sees.

Whatever it was he’d _expected_ to see, the misery that must be on Jack’s face obviously isn’t it. Mac does a literal double-take once he’s braved looking Jack in the eyes.

“You,” Mac begins, then his eyes sharpen like they do when he comes up with one of his ideas. When he’s figured something out. They darken the way they do when he’s talking about someone he doesn’t trust. “He didn’t tell you did he? Dad. He didn’t tell you I quit.”

“You quit?” Jack asks, even though Mac _just_ said that he did. 

He’s struggling to keep up with what’s going on. He had thought that Mac might not want to work with Jack anymore, with the awkwardness of a breakup hanging over them. At least for a while. Maybe, in Jack’s version of a worst case scenario, never again.

Jack hadn’t necessarily thought that Mac not wanting to work with any of them again, including his dad, was entirely off the table. But he hadn’t necessarily expected it either.

Certainly not in a scenario that included Mac blowing Jack in his office, bending over Jack’s desk for him and then cuddling with him on the couch.

“I told him I couldn’t work with someone that I don’t trust,” Mac says, really driving home the spear Jack may as well have lodged in his chest.

And then, just as quickly, pulling it out.

“I was talking about him, Jack,” Mac says quickly. “I don’t trust _him_. After everything he’s done- I.. I quit because of him. Not because of-”

And here’s where reality starts to really drift off its rails for Jack. 

“Look,” Mac says, looking anywhere but directly into Jack’s gaze for this next bit. “However this... however _we_ started. I know that’s not all there is between us. I know that. What we have, we- We built that ourselves. We did. Not my dad or anybody else...”

He talks about what he and Jack have like he’s talking about something precious. Something he’d thought was stolen from him. Something that he still seems to fear he hasn’t entirely gotten back yet.

“I needed time to think about that to really see it,” Mac says, “And I should have just talked to you about it, from the start. Instead of pulling a vanishing act.”

“You told me you needed time,” Jack argues. Because he’s not selfish enough to argue Mac into a corner about staying with Jack, if leaving is what Mac wants to do. (At least not once he’s had time to work up the nerve not to be.) But he will _absolutely_ argue on Mac’s behalf if staying is what Mac actually wants. “And that’s the least that you could ask for. The least that I could give you. Angus...”

Jack angles his head until he’s caught Mac’s gaze again, and he pours every bit of remorse and love and determination to do better than he can possibly communicate in a look into his expression. “I am so sorry.” Jack’s voice breaks half-way through saying it, but say it he does. The way he should have the night Mac came to talk to him, instead of _letting_ Mac pull his vanishing act.

If he had, maybe none of the suffering they’ve obviously both gone through over the last few days would have had to happen.

Maybe Mac wouldn’t be staring at him now, like _Jack_ is too good to be true. Like, at the same time that Jack had been certain he’d ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to him, Mac had somehow been worried that his best thing had been taken from him too.

“I am so damned sorry, man... I know it doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t tell you about your dad as soon as I found out. If I’d known who I was taking the promotion from, I never would have taken it! Not if I’d known it meant having to keep things from you... And I told him that! I did. You can ask him. I threatened to quit, even, but he said even if I did, if I violated the security agreement that came with this gig, he’d have me charged for it. I couldn’t let that happen and leave you to deal with all of his... all his machinations alone,” Jack rambles, in one, long baring of his soul.

Then he notices the look of distress that’s been growing on Mac’s face. Of horror even.

Oh, shit. Making excuses was exactly what Jack _wasn’t_ going to do, wasn’t it?

“Not that that makes the lying any better!” Jack says quickly, shifting to follow Mac’s gaze as he seems to sort of tune out, like he does in the middle of a real problem. “I know that... Mac, I do. Baby. Nothing- Nothing I can say or do can change all that, but I _swear_ to you. No matter what... I will never let you down like this again. I swear it. Whatever the alternative, I will never lie to you again. And if you’ve somehow decided that you can forgive me-”

That’s what it sounds to Jack like Mac’s done, but Mac cuts him off.

“You _were_ the one who left those clues for me,” Mac says, as if out of nowhere. “The ones that lead me to the file. You did that.”

Jack sighs. That was the one maybe redeeming thing he did throughout this whole mess. Maybe that can be the thing that saves him now.

“Yes. I couldn’t tell you what I knew, Mac, but I promise, I was always going to make sure you found out one way or the other.”

The look of horror hasn’t entirely faded from Mac’s eyes - it’s mixed up in that dark, sharp something that’s been there since they first started talking about Mac’s dad.

But there’s something else in Mac’s eyes, in his face, too as he looks at Jack. Something so...

Jack’s not sure what he’s done or said to deserve it, but it looks a little bit like... awe. And gratitude.

And there is definitely a thickness to Mac’s voice as he says, “Riley told me that. She showed me. She hacked your computer - and my dad’s. She even told me how you threatened to quit. There’s security video from my dad’s office of it. Apparently, he records every conversation that happens in there.”

“And you watched it?” Jack asks. The fact that a bug James planted on _himself_ could actually be the thing that saves Jack is almost too sweet-

“I wasn’t sure I wanted to,” Mac admits. And then, still looking Jack straight in the eyes says, very carefully, “He told me he’s the one who chose you to be my overwatch in Afghanistan. That he was behind the scenes, calling shots even then. And when I asked you if you knew this whole time-”

“Son of a bitch...” Jack says, finally - _finally_ \- seeing what he’s missed.

When Mac confronted him, Jack thought they were talking about having known about Mac’s dad since Jack took the position of director at the Phoenix Foundation. But Mac had been talking about the whole time as in _the whole time_. As in since he and Jack met.

Jack feels nearly sick imagining what Jack’s “yes” must have sounded like to Mac, from that perspective.

“Oh... Oh, Angus, baby, no,” Jack can not say with emphasis enough. “There is no _damned_ way I would have-”

Mac’s smile is weak, and a little shaky, but real. “I’m starting to get that.”

“No damned way,” Jack repeats. “As soon as you and I became cool with each other. Hell, probably even before that... when I thought you were kind of a little shit. I’da told you just to mess with you maybe,” Jack says.

He lies about the telling Mac something like ‘your daddy’s been hiding from you half your life and manipulating you in secret’ just to mess with him. But he definitely would have told Mac as soon as they started to become anything like friends. It wouldn’t have taken long. And Jack certainly wouldn’t have had to have been _sleeping_ with Mac before he started to feel bad about not telling Mac everything.

The lame little attempt at ribbing does it’s job. Mac loses some more of the awful stuff clouding his expression, and his smile becomes a little less weak, even if his eyes still do look a little glassy, now that Jack’s noticing.

Which, speaking of- Mac laughs a little, and buries his face in Jack’s shoulder as if he’s just getting comfortable with the cuddling they still have going on.

But Jack feels Mac shudder again, just lightly. He notices how tightly Mac squeezes him when he wraps his arms back around Jack, and he knows the slight shake in Mac’s muscles isn’t just from exhaustion. 

Plus, Mac sniffles. It’s just the once, but Jack hears it, and he’s never hated a man more than he hates James Macgyver for just one moment.

He’s also never felt more like he’s just escaped a messy end by way of a Hail Mary miracle in his entire life - and Jack’s made it past a lot of close calls.

He blinks his own wet eyes, wraps Mac up as tightly in his arms as is possible without possible suffocation coming into play, and buries his face again in his lover’s hair - this time in such bone-shaking relief and gratitude, rather than despair.

“So... just to be clear,” Jack says after a moment, voice muffled by Mac’s hair but unwilling to give up the comforting feeling of it against his face, the scent of Mac so strongly in his nose. “You’re not breaking up with me then... And you’ve forgiven me for the not being able to tell you about your evil genius of a pa?”

Mac laughs into Jack’s chest, but he doesn’t move either.

“I think ‘evil genius’ might be a little bit of a stretch,” he says. 

Jack quietly decides they will agree to disagree.

“And there’s nothing to forgive,” Mac continues. “But no, Jack. No. Thinking that I had to give you up- That maybe you were never really mine to begin with...”

Mac legitimately chokes up, and Jack can only rub his back and feel the same way. 

When he can, Jack pipes in, “I’ve always been yours, baby. Everything I am, everything I’ve got... 's all yours. Always has been and always will be. Long as you can find it in that big heart of yours - despite that big brain - to want any of it.”

Mac takes a few big, shaky breaths at that, before kissing Jack just once, directly over his heart.

“Plus, I’m not lucky enough to get rid of you that easy, right?” Mac says, calling up the words Jack has said before at times when Mac’s joked about Jack breaking up with Mac over this thing or another. 

Considering the way Mac reacted to the suggestion that Jack had had a reason to get to know Mac, besides just wanting to get to know him...

Maybe those hadn’t been jokes after all. 

Jack doesn’t think his heart’s going to be the same after all this for a long time.

“See what I mean?” Jack just blinks again and says. “Kind of a little shit.”

Mac’s ever more genuine laughter does help Jack’s heart a little each time.

“I love you, Angus,” Jack drops the playful tone long enough to say, soft and low and against Mac’s skin, like he can breathe the truth of the words right into Mac’s body.

“I love you so damned much, Jack,” Mac says like Jack had said it to him before.

And Mac shudders again - but in a good way, this time; sighing like all of the tension and pain and anger that walked into this room with him are drifting out of him as he does. 

Like maybe Jack’s truth made it to its destination after all.


End file.
